Marriage is awesome! And hard. Even if you pick the perfect partner, you will not agree 100% on everything. Money continues to be one of the most argued about topics in the American marriage. According to TD Ameritrade, 41% of Gen X divorces are due to arguments over money. That increased from 29% for Boomers.
In order to stop this upward trend, what can Millennials and Gen Z do to reverse this sad trend?
#1 Identify and respect Your differences
Get intimately acquainted with your own and your spouse’s Money Scripts. When you understand the events and family dynamics that formed your spouse’s beliefs (and then behaviors) about money it helps you to empathize. Empathy creates a safer safe to have productive conversations about difficult topics.
#2 Identify where your differing scripts are causing conflict
If your money script says “save for a rainy day” and your spouse’s money script says “only the best for me!” there is bound to be conflict. Discuss ways, ahead of time, that you will handle these scenarios when they come up. One example could be the “spender” can have free-reign under a certain dollar amount, but the “saver” gets to weigh in on anything above it.
#3 Identify Money Scripts that are problematic to your financial future
All money scripts can be bad taken to extremes. A saver can be too afraid to spend money, missing out on quality of life. A spender can be risking the future by not putting money away. A money avoider could be practicing self-sabotage and a money-focused individual could be over-giving to the detriment of the family. Once identified, you can work to change them.
#4 Set goals, dream big, and have money dates
Nothing increases intimacy like co-creating a big dream. A regular money date is a great time to dream about the future, set goals to make those dreams come true, and to check on progress. Creating and executing a plan together will help both people stay on track. Plus, some of my biggest and best dreams take shape over a good bottle of Chianti!
Are you ready to transform your marital relationship with money! I can help you! We can work through your Money Scripts, identify conflict areas, and work on strategies to overcome them.
If you feel your relationship has deeper issues, seek the guidance of a trained marriage therapist. There is no shame in it and it can do a ton of good!
Contact me for a FREE Consultation!